Modern girl with old school tendencies

I’ve been single for some time now. How long? I can’t quite recall. But long enough that I’ve binge-watched everything from Stranger Things to Avatar the Last Airbender to A Different World on Netflix, taught myself how to crochet and that I’ve forgotten how to pronounce Victoria’s Secret. 
I’m not sad that I’m single at all, in fact, it’s for the best. I’m taking the time to digest and discover why I’ve come to be single and who I am. I’ve learned more about myself in the last year of “no plus one Wendy” than I had in three months of being someone’s woman. 

It doesn’t hurt that I continue to get asked out on dates either. This reassures me that I’ve still got it. The trouble is I always say no or rearrange plans for one specific reason. 

No, I’m not courting celibacy or considering some other alternative lifestyle. And no I’m not anti-men either. Quite the opposite, I think men as flawed as they are are incredibly fascinating. They surprise you when you least expect it. (The key is to be one step ahead.) The reason I always rearrange or decline dates is because of finances. 

Yeah I’m a girl who won’t go on a date if I’m not prepared to pay for myself or the both of us. I know that’s very progressive sounding despite the fact that I’ve never been on a date with a man that I had to pay. Even when I wasn’t sure if it was a date or not I haven’t been expected, or even allowed to pay. And I’m comfortable with letting a man pay. I’m not THAT feminist. 

What I am uncomfortable with is being a loser. What if he can’t afford the check in the end? I should help. What if he changed his mind and didn’t want to pay? I better be ready to go Dutch. I have heard women say before that they could go on dates broke and more power to these ladies. Maybe I’m insecure and can’t know for certain if my shade of lipstick will afford me a steak dinner. Let’s just say, I’m a modern girl with old school tendencies. We live in such interesting times where rape culture is at the forefront of every gender conversation, men wonder if they raped a woman after a drunk night of debauchery. People aren’t sure if eating Chipotle is cultural appropriation or not. So it’s only fitting that I’m such a Stepford Feminist. Maybe I should choose a side. Or maybe not.