I can’t believe I’m here again. Meaning, I’ve let my heart be broken again. And I have to say let because I saw the signs.

I simply ignored them.

Like I always do.

Am I some sort of masochist? I think I might be. The beauty of feeling so deeply despite the caution. I hold onto longer than I should. I hope. I wait. I thirst. I hunger.

I was hoping you would satiate me. Save me from myself. That was my first mistake. No one can save me but me.

Twenty years later. Why have I not learned my lesson?

To be honest, I hope I never learn. It is better to have loved and hurt than to have never loved at all.

So even though I hate you, I thank you. For all of it.

Now if only I could stop thinking about you.