I can’t believe I’m here again. Meaning, I’ve let my heart be broken again. And I have to say let because I saw the signs.
I simply ignored them.
Like I always do.
Am I some sort of masochist? I think I might be. The beauty of feeling so deeply despite the caution. I hold onto longer than I should. I hope. I wait. I thirst. I hunger.
I was hoping you would satiate me. Save me from myself. That was my first mistake. No one can save me but me.
Twenty years later. Why have I not learned my lesson?
To be honest, I hope I never learn. It is better to have loved and hurt than to have never loved at all.
So even though I hate you, I thank you. For all of it.
Now if only I could stop thinking about you.
Recently, a friend of mine (who runs a blog here on WordPress about her adventures in coding and faith) reminded me that I had never recounted, on my blog, the tales of my adventure in Europe last Spring. Why is that? Well, part of the reason is because I experienced a great deal of heartbreak during that trip. I was in a foggy haze after I got back home and the last thing I felt like doing was reliving my ordeal. One year later and I just may be ready talk about it. I hope my memory doesn’t fail me.
Continue reading That Time I Lost $800 in Europe
Online dating can be a tricky thing if you’re single. It can be even trickier when you’re a woman. Online dating is it’s most trickiest when you are dating as a single woman who is black.
A few months back, after a dozen trial and error moments of breaking up and getting back together, I officially ended my relationship with my boyfriend of two years. I was relieved to be single and free to focus on school, my career and my passions. I wasn’t really thinking about getting back into a relationship or even casually dating any time soon.
Continue reading Dating While Black
Ugh. I remember judging women so hard for saying things of this nature. But I’ve gotten to the point where this statement totally applies. I’ve spent the last three or four years in pursuit of or a member of a relationship, a couple, a duo, a “them”.
Continue reading How to Date Yourself
Three years ago I was coaching a good friend of mine, Lindsey* through one of the toughest breakups of her life. I was there as she cried, cursed, screamed and behaved childishly and never once did I judge her. I stayed on the phone with her for hours listening to her repeat the same story over and over again and always coming to the same conclusion: she had to let him go.
Continue reading Crazy in Love